Bring Your Son Here (Part 3): Clarifications and Cautions

It has been incredibly kind of the Lord to allow me a recent experience in the field that brought to light some much-needed things to address. But first, let me tell you something about me. Growing up when the band of cousins got together, we were always up to shenanigans and trouble. And though I was no troublemaker, I was certainly a risk-taker. If there was a dare to be carried out, I was raising my hand to go first. I ‘clare, that little woman has been trying to resurface the past years as I’ve healed and begun reclaiming my identity. I must remember just how naïve and invincible-feeling she can be walking into dangerous territory.

In a relationship I thought could develop between me and a buddy (more on this term later), I began questioning if I should continue. I had been clear in the purpose of my pursuit and he had been clear in his. They were not only not the same, but his was ultimately to sift me like wheat as Satan sought to do to Peter (Luke 22:31). No amount of kindness and seeking to show forth the truth and love of Yahweh was worth being in the enemy’s camp where hidden traps lay. I’m grateful two things happened that day that gave me all the confirmation I needed to abort mission.

It so happened that as I was on my way to meet up with the buddy, my neighbor and brother in Christ was walking outside talking on the phone. I had not crossed paths with him in a while but lo and behold, there he was this day. I’ll pick up our story later. Sometime that evening my little sister called me, and I mentioned my weariness in being in relationship with “the buddy”. As I shared more, she cautioned me about continuing. She stated that though I had no attraction to or desire for the person in any romantic way, only to share love and truth with him, because his motive was to weaken me to his will, I was not safe. For all the enemy needs is a more opportune time to catch us off guard and then capture us to fulfill his will and not our Father’s (Luke 4:13, 2 Timothy 2:26).

My brother who I had passed earlier on my way outside, texted me that evening too, and asked where I was headed when he saw me. In my mind, I was going to do some more grave digging, little knowing that person welcomed all my digging because he planned to put me in that grave once I was done. My brother shared some wise insights and perspectives that I now know I need to implement if I’m going to fulfill the work and purpose the Lord has intended for me.

As I shared my desire for brothers and reminisced on the relationships I had been able to cultivate as a young woman, he put this before me: “I think things that are gone, are gone for a reason. If that’s something that you need, it will happen for you. If that’s something that you need, [Yahweh] will give it to you.” So much was packed in those words that began loosening the ties holding me to a past I needed to let go of. I reconciled in my mind that unless I receive some grafted in brothers by marriage, I would likely not ever have the kind of close fellowship with men I had experienced with my childhood best friend and brothers – not unless I wanted to end up in a spiritual grave and find myself fighting with my desires.

That leads me to something else my brother had me consider. When we form these familiarities, even if we didn’t begin them with romantic or ill intent, at our current phase of life, it’s not likely that we’ll be able to have regular and intimate connections with the opposite sex (or same-sex for those with same-sex attractions) without forming unhealthy attachments. Attachments that could harm us, them, and our future marriages should we pursue them. We both recounted being on both sides of that coin. Feeling the loss when our once close friend found their new muse and being between a battle of jealous contenders because they wanted their friend back. It’s no fun being in the middle of something that should have been put away before we or they arrived. He told me to consider how might a friendship with someone affect others. What could be the repercussions if we have to step away or they do? What are the risks and rewards?

He also made me rethink my use of the word “brother.” One of the gifts we receive when we become children of God is a family. We are instantly united in a common Spirit that knows each other when we meet. My true brothers and sisters are those who do the will of the Lord (Luke 8:21). I thought that it was the Lord answering my prayer for brothers when I started having these run-ins with men who needed a Shepherd. But I realize that my perspective of them must be different from that of a true brother who has a mission and governance as my own. They are souls to be won for the Kingdom. A momentary buddy to which I am to show myself friendly.

Often as with Yeshua’s earthly ministry, he only stayed a little while planting seeds amongst those he met along the path; He then continued on his way. As women ministering to men, it is more likely that the Lord will have us meet them along our path, deposit what He has entrusted to us, and then depart and allow them to continue too. If the Lord leads us to pray for them, then we should pray. This is our most powerful and effective weapon. To pray for seeds. To pray for water. And to pray the Lord will make the seeds and men grow. Remember that if we remain when we have been called away, particularly in close fellowship with men not surrendered to the Lord, it is a landmine just waiting for a wrong step. The same may be said of our brothers who cross the path of women who are not yet sisters and daughters.

My brother even told me that he pulled back from communicating with me so that we wouldn’t develop a deep intimacy and connection either. I told him I appreciated him for considering us and our Father’s plan for us both. He saw the potential hazards and avoided them, even when everything initially appeared safe and harmless to continue. I was reminded in just that conversation that the Lord had sent me brothers who shared His Spirit, and He would allow me to enjoy their companionship, covering, and counsel when I needed it. When I was in my early teens, I had prayed to the Lord that no matter where I wandered or how far I got away from Him, I needed Him to promise to come get me. That day He had told my brother and sister, “Go get your sister and tell her it’s time to come inside.” This is the kind of protection risk-taking daughters like me need.

That same night when I pulled up my YouTube feed, there was a video from a channel I had not watched in a long time. But I’m sure the Lord had put it there for me. The next several were the reminders I needed about how the Lord calls us to be and not be in fellowship with brethren, unbelievers, and those who say they believe but are living as if they don’t. I’ll link them for your viewing pleasure.

Don’t Be So Accessible

Discernment in Dating

Don’t Go Near the Door

A major lesson God has been seeking to teach me in the natural so I’ll catch it in the Spirit, is the lesson of asking. We assume that because we’re children of God, we can’t be in sin, we can’t be deceived, and we can be all-knowing in knowing what’s best. But more and more the Lord has been calling me to ask Him about all things. Though I have His heart to seek and save that which is lost, I need to put two things before my Father before I head out: if and how. If I am supposed to go. If I am to pursue interaction or relationship with a person. And if He says yes, then I need to ask how. How am I to be in connection with this person? How am I to posture myself for the protection of us both and the completion of God’s purposes?

When I was on Facebook Marketplace someone had posted something, I don’t even know what it was, but they had entitled it, “Feel free to ask.”  I was reminded of the Proverb that says, “Buy the truth and do not sell it – wisdom, instruction and insight as well (23:23). I’m sure this is what the Father is saying to His kids: “Feel free to ask Me.” He wants us to purchase His counsel by sitting in His presence with the humility to ask Him. Sigh. Imma work on this. 

When speaking to one of my other sisters, she told me this was not the season for ungodly alignments. And the cautions of an elder woman who told her, “Men grow on you.” My fam is right. These are our last days. We have much to do and accomplish and no time to get entangled in civilian affairs. No time to be trying to put the pieces back together; we all just did that and we’re not trying to go back to those dens and graves again. And more, we have a generation coming behind us that we need to protect from the destructions of unhealthy attachments we bring into our lives and homes. We also need to offer our children a blueprint contrary to the world so they’ll know how to navigate their mission field and relationships when they get there. So, as we go out, let us remember to be wise and holy ambassadors of the King.