I Applied for a Job at Planned Parenthood

I was among the collegiate class who had been met with less than what our parents, teachers, counselors, and college pamphlets had promised us. Go to college they said. You’ll get a job they said. But for many of us 2008 matriculates of full-blown adulthood, we faced a challenging market that wanted us to have more than what our schools had prepared us for.

I relocated to a nearby city in preparation to return for graduate studies (as soon as I figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up again). In the meantime, I put application after application in at various jobs hoping for an opportunity. And eventually, one came. A lady contacted me back and excitedly shared why my application had stood out among the rest. I didn’t know much about Planned Parenthood, but after looking at their website, I believed I could make an impact there. Helping girls and young women gain access to healthcare and needed resources for gynecological needs, pregnancy, and parenthood. It sounded great! At least until she asked me how I felt about abortion.

The reality was that I had never given it a lot of thought. I remembered hearing a time or so here and there that it was wrong, but that was about the extent of my understanding. I had always grappled with cases of rape, incest, and childhood pregnancy and felt that perhaps, it should be permissible in such instances. In that moment, I was looking for a clear answer for what to think about abortion, but I had none. There was just this knowing in my gut that even if I wavered on difficult circumstances, my heart and mind would never allow me to rest in promoting it as a viable option when facing an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.

However, the experience I could gain and the pay for a girl who wanted to enter the human services field was enticing. But as I later contemplated whether I would move forward with the application process, I asked myself one question that gave me all the confidence to call that lady back and tell her thank you, but no thank you. And that question was, “What is in the womb?” And for the longest time, that answer has been the foundation from which I start any conversation about abortion. For what is in the womb is a human being.

Little did I know that God would have me face my conviction about my little neighbors again in the years to come. It all started when one of my girlfriends was invited to join the board of a local pregnancy center. When she told me about it, I was intrigued, and that question of my conviction resurfaced again. We both had wavering thoughts and beliefs and wasn’t sure it was a space we could stand in with sure footing. But one night, all that changed for me. I was in the presence of God, and He showed me and gave me His heart for His children in the womb. I wept and was deeply burdened in a way I never had been.

I begin to question why I had been in various churches throughout my life, and never had clear teaching on the matter. When I thought about an argument for abortion or life, the loudest and most predominant voice I heard was the one coming from the world. I realized that I had never truly known God’s heart and perspective. It was a war of words, and because I had failed to receive His Word, I believed theirs. And I know this is true for so many within the body of Christ who call themselves believers.

As I have been writing, I have been asking God for wisdom on what to share next. When the concept for this blog came to me some time ago, and I had plans to have released it weeks ago, illness, distractions, and my current work took my space and energy to complete my thoughts. I do not ever think that that is happenstance when we are moving in the direction of Christ, when we are seeking to expose the kingdom of darkness, and when we are pursuing territory for His righteous rule upon the earth instead. So, as I have been sitting here, I asked the Lord, “What next.” And He brought Psalm 56 and 58 to my mind.

When I considered how I would unfold this content, I thought I would go to God’s Word and highlight the truth to be found within it for you. Gradually. But when I look at these Psalms, that is not how I am being directed. Turn with me to Psalm 56 and read it. Read it now from the vantage point of one who is in the womb.

Psalm 56 NIV

Do you know what repetition strikes me? “What can mortal man do to me?” When I think about that question being asked from a child in the womb, my heart is panged and confident, all at the same time. Because I know what abortion does to the unborn. I looked at images, read accounts, and watched animations of how abortion ceases life. Life that God, not man, is the author of. And yet I have this confidence for these children because I know it is God who is fighting for them and will avenge them, just as He did for me when the enemy came in to flood my life.

The promise for these children is deliverance, just as it states in verse 13: “For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.” God designed the womb to be the safest place for creations He knits by His own hand. He crafted the heart of woman to love, nurture, and protect the treasure He buried in the deep within her. Yet the enemy with cunning words has turned hatred and daggers towards innocent blood. And God is clear how He feels about its shedding (Proverbs 6:16-19).

I encourage you to read Psalm 58 for yourself. There are just a few verses I will highlight. Verse 1-2 states, “Do you rulers indeed speak justly? Do you judge uprightly among men? No, in your heart you devise injustice, and your hands mete out violence on the earth.” Violence is what happens to children in the womb who are unwanted. Violence that we have given euphemisms to deceive and hide ugly truths. Violence that we have instituted as lawful based upon the conscience and conditions of man.

Do not mistake me for a heartless radical who enforces her religion upon men. The gift and burden of this precious truth is that I have and I get to sit in the presence of girls and women facing difficulty and unknown. I have shared silence with them. I have held them. I have cried with them. I have prayed for them. I have given them what I had to give. For me, these two dichotomies can exist at once. I can deeply grieve for the pain, fear, and uncertainties they face. And I can deeply grieve for the children who await their life or death sentence within them.

I plan to share from the Word of God, His heart and perspective on life, the unborn, and abortion. But foundationally, I must begin with the truth He declares in Psalm 58:11: “Then men will say, ‘Surely the righteous still are rewarded; surely there is a God who judges the earth.’” I used to think that the most profound question when discussing abortion was “What is the womb?” But now I know the most important question is, “Who is Lord?”