Why My Three-Year-Old Knows the Word Pornography
- Whitney Nicole
- Apr 23, 2023
- 7 min read
I find it interesting that the day I will release this blog will be 4-23. Every time I see these numbers together, Proverbs always comes to mind. It’s a familiar passage, yet many of us have little to no understanding how to put it into practice. Let’s take a look at a few versions below:
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. (ESV)
Keep thy heart more than anything that is guarded, for out of it are the issues of life. (DARBY)
More than anything you guard, protect your mind, for life flows from it. (CEB)
Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (NLT)
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (NIV)
The reality is that countless are suffering and fighting uphill battles because we didn’t know how to guard and protect two of our most vital organs – our heart and mind. Sexual immorality breeds there and becomes a destructive force without bounds. It corrodes our relationships with one another, and it destroys us from within, affecting the way we view ourselves and other human beings. Our identities are distorted, and we distort the identities of others. Rather than people to be loved, we become objects to be used.
Pornography has often become a gateway to damaging ourselves and then those around us. The lie we've come to believe is that pornography is a private pleasure and harms no one. Yet those who take part in these productions are the first harmed. If you’ve never watched the story of someone who’s exited adult film, you should. Theirs are stories not of power, ecstasy, and thrill but of bondage, abuse, and suffering. Suffering that affects them not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and relationally. As porn also affects the viewer. Here’s a few stories shedding light on this fact:
Fight the New Drug is an excellent website to get the facts on how pornography literally changes the brain and how it has reverberating effects in different areas of our lives. This includes how people become numb to “normal” pornographic images (which there is nothing normal about) and now need more exciting and risky forms of pornography to get the same effect they once did. A dark web of child, rape, and sadism porn exist for this reason. Even some of the porn we think is consensual isn’t. Whether someone is physically threatening harm just outside the camera’s angle or the people within them believe they have no other choices, they are there unwillingly. And their acts bring onlookers under an unwilful subjection to bondage in their hearts and minds without the watcher even being aware it’s happening.
Sex was designed to be a beautiful and pleasurable act within the protective borders of marriage between a man and woman. God desired this act to intimately bind, to feel safe, and to bring comfort and connection to two people who made a commitment for forever. Sex is an opportunity to remind them of their vow and be a place of restoration and refreshing for the couple. I can certainly share how my heart not being protected led to me using my body outside the protective boundary lines God had given me and how that caused such damage to myself, to others, and within those relationships, including my marriage.
I want something different for my son. I want him to experience what God calls good and it truly be good to and for him as God intended. Unfortunately, the enemy takes no days off, and if he could have my son’s heart and mind, he would. He seeks to day in and day out. The Bible verse of the day, as I’m preparing this blog, is “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith” (1 Peter 5:8-9a).
Technology has made the enemy more accessible to our children than ever before. No longer do we only have to ensure we empty our houses of video cassette tapes and magazines, but we have to be guardians over the things our children can access with the press of a button on a screen or remote. Even if we seek to put software on our technology that blocks certain content, our children will eventually come into contact with the unthinkable. This is why it is important for me to teach my son to think.
At three years old and even prior, I began laying a foundation for him to think as God does about his body, others’ bodies, and how they are to be viewed and treated. As he began to talk, I taught him the proper names for body parts, identifying which belong to boys and which to girls. When he became frustrated and would hit himself, I'd tell him that his body was created to be loved and cared for, not harmed and abused (If he decides to become a husband, if he won't care for his body then he won't care for his wife's either - Ephesians 5:28-29). And I'd start requesting he knock and wait outside the door when I was dressing and bathing, reminding him that we keep our privates private and boundaries are important.
When he turned three, I knew I needed to give him a plan for, not if but when, he should encounter body parts that weren’t his. One of the resources I used was “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr.” It’s an excellent book for young readers to identify what pornography is and give them a plan for what to do when they happen upon it. Children displayed in bathing suits provide a guidepost for which body parts ought to remain covered, and if they should become uncovered how to turn away and go tell a trusted adult. This is how my son learned about and could say with his sweet and imprecise speech pornography at age three.
As much as I'm able, I want to build a fortified fortress around my son’s heart and mind. I want to build his arsenal with truth and knowledge that will set off alarms when he encounters something that is false and corrupt. I want watchmen on guard for my son when I cannot be present to watch for him. By introducing my son to age-appropriate content about sex (both the biological and relational nature), about God’s design for marriage and family, about the difference between secrets and surprises, about boundaries for ourselves and respecting others', I’m laying a foundation for him to live out Proverbs 4:23. I’m giving him a roadmap with directional and warning signs so that he will be vigilant and careful to keep his steps in the path God would want them to go.
And after I do these things with my son over and over, because these are not one-time conversations but a lifetime dialogue I look for opportunities to address again and again, I pray. I pray because I know the fight for my son’s soul is a spiritual one. And when shields of faith don’t keep all attacks of the enemy out, often because we aren’t using them, I fight for my son’s heart and mind on my knees, pleading for God to uproot unfruitful images and beliefs. I pray that God would guard my son’s eyes and ears so that even if evil is set before him, evil won't take root and sprout. That just as quickly as those seeds are planted by the enemy, the Lord would pluck them out.
Guardians of the next generation, let's not leave our children ill-equipped and unprepared for battle. The enemy is not defensive but offensive. He is intruding and plowing ahead with a strategic attack against our little flock so that they will never become faithful but will remain faithless. Let’s be diligent to wage war and start with a defense of our children’s most vital organs; for what is in them will determine the course of the lives. May their course be their cross and Christ.
Check out these resources to help train your kids for battle:
What if I’m an adult who never learned how to guard my heart and mind and pornography and other sexual sin has a grip on me?
I’d first encourage you to expose it. You will never overcome something hidden in darkness and you won’t be able to do it alone. Bring it to God; a safe biblical community; and professional support through counseling or coaching. Educate yourself on the realities of porn – what it does to you and what it does to others. Again, Fight the New Drug is a great place to start. Envelope yourself in the Word of God and allow it to circumcise your heart and mind with power and truth. One of the passages of Scripture that helped me in what seemed to be an ever-defeating wrestle with sin was Romans 7:7-8:17 (Paul gets it). And pray. Pray for God to help you break free from the stronghold of sexual sin (Psalm 51, Colossians 2:9-15), to give you the will to take His way of escape when it’s overwhelming (1 Corinthians 10:13), and to give you new desires and tastes for intimacy as He intended in whatever state you find yourself, married or single (I Corinthians 6:12-7:7, Ephesians 4:17-5:33, Hebrews 13:4). And most importantly, pray that God would give you a deeper love for Him; for it is a greater love for one thing that causes us to deny our allegiance and desire for another. Check out this short video from Jackie Hill Perry where she discusses how she resists temptation and sin.
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