Do It For You

I was up late one night exasperating myself with thoughts again. I stopped midway just to ask the Lord about “it.” Answers started coming to my mind, but I couldn’t decipher if they were His or mine; so, I asked Him to confirm by His Word. Almost immediately Ephesians 4:30-31 came to me. I knew the numbers but not the words. I tapped there from my phone only to find the following: “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

Just as quickly as He had given me that scripture reference, I just as quickly said loudly in my head what does that have to do with anything. Meaning I don’t see how what I was just asking you about has anything to do with your response Lord.

And then a flood of answers.

I wanted a gift and here God was reminding me that I had already received the best one – salvation. And this was a gift that would not tarnish, fade, or ever disappoint. I was reminded that my focus should be on the eternal and not overly concerned with the temporal. I was reminded that now was a time to rest – from certain people and certain activities (like I had written in a previous blog).

And then there was the second passage. It was a reminder that I’m still healing. That there’s still stuff in me I need to get out of me, overcome, and forgive for my sake. It wasn’t long ago that I finished a section of reading from Lysa TerKeurst’s new book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget about bitterness.

Bitterness. Seriously God. That’s still in there.

I thought a moment and two people, maybe three came to mind. One I felt had not protected me, and I wanted their response to have been more than what it was. And the other, I had convinced myself that I was at peace with and had goodwill towards. Yet there was this one thing. If I never saw this person again a day in my life my soul would be quite requited.

Requited. What made me choose that word so seamlessly. I needed to reread the definition just to ensure it’s what I meant to say. As I scanned each one and landed upon one word, I felt like David when Nathan told him he was the man (2 Samuel 12:1-13).

Do you want to know what the word was?

Avenge.

Now you may think I’m making this up, but I promise you I am not. Today, I saw the word “avenger” three times. I made it a sticky note in my mind in case the Lord would reveal anything specific about it later.

He did.

I am the avenger. And instead of my retaliation being some outward, blatant act, it was a posture that said I want nothing to do with you. I wish you all the best in the world. Really I do. But I want absolutely nothing to do with you.

I was going to avenge myself by never speaking to or engaging this person again.

This was my second courtroom pronouncement of guilt. When I read that third definition for bitterness the last word might as well have been the gavel: a feeling of antagonism, hostility, or resentfulness. There it was. I resented this person. I was bitter. And my root rot was threatening to destroy the promise of my blooming garden.

Do you know what I did? I went back and read She Who Gardens, Grows (Part 2). And I remembered something else:

God had me create Unveiled61 for me. I need it as I’m writing it. I’m moving through this process at the pace of my writing, though my mind had deceived me into thinking I’m a few steps ahead.

If someone stumbles across my blog and it blesses them, encourages them, or tills their barren land then that will just be the increase. But I’m writing it to truly uncover me – the areas hidden from my conscious and by my pride that the Lord still knows is there. I’m writing it to heal. I’m writing it for me.

Whatever God is asking you to do that maybe you think is about or for someone else. Whatever He’s asking you to till, uncover, and discard yet you’re doubting or fearful or just sinking back to lazy. I just want to encourage you to do it. Yes, maybe it will bless someone else along the way. But most importantly, He wants it to bless, uncover, and free you. So, go. And do it for you.

What do your roots look like? What’s spoiled and rotten? Find some passages from the Word that will help you think biblically about those areas of decay and then that will direct you to address it in like manner.

I’ll go first:

“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. “BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM; IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:19-21 NASB2020

Pss. Okay guys, one more “I can’t make this stuff up” announcement. Just as I was wrapping up this piece at 2:55 AM (March 19) I happened to see the new verses of the day on both of my apps. Here’s what they are:

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 NIV

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

(Not to mention my last three devotions from “Prayers for Emotional Wholeness” I hadn’t read until this evening were all about anger, patience, and mercy.)

Isn’t God faithful? He faithfully confirms and sends His Word to make us whole.

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*Definitions from Dictionary.com.