Leaping

What happens when you decide you’re finally going to take that leap? Well, the unplanned and the opportunity to build trust.

More than a month before my trip to Puerto Rico, I had informed my son’s dad of my plans for the week of May 17th. I asked if he’d mark his calendar to keep Josh to ensure he didn’t get assigned to a project out of town. It’s been a little since he’s traveled for work, particularly with COVID in the air. And if I was going to leave the continental US for a week without Josh in tow, I truly only felt comfortable with him being with his dad for the duration of that time.

Lo and behold, the day before my departure, his dad informs me he was given a project in Louisiana halfway through the week until after my return. Week after week nothing! And of all the weeks he could be assigned to go somewhere that would also require not just a few hours on the road but a complete plane ticket, this would be the week! Trust opportunity one.

I felt a twinge of frustration like really Lord. But settled me and said well it will be fine. His dad has to work, and I am still going. We discussed his plan of care, and I was at peace again.

As Wednesday approached my momma mind was wandering a bit because I knew his dad would be flying out that day. And more than anything I didn’t want Josh to be a complete monster while we were both gone. But his dad kept ensuring me he was only a monster with me, him, and his daycare provider. These facts seemed to be true — where he felt most safe to still be loved even after the worst of tantrums.

Only a whole day had passed before I got a text that said Josh had a fever of 102.3. Trust opportunity two. My baby wasn’t well, and there was nothing I could do to get to him. In the midst of me texting family and friends back and forth, the cell phone reception decided it wanted to dwindle and take forever to send my messages. Thankfully, most of the details had already been worked out, but I just needed to confirm that I had deactivated “the grandmother” after we had decided upon another care option. My pastor prayed for both Josh and me and that night he rested and so did I.

But right before I got that text, I had taken another leap. Perhaps it was really trust opportunity two, but in this story, it’s going to be three. My church family and I went to a waterfall that tumbled down into a plunge pool. I didn’t even know what to call it and was surprised as I typed a long description that this was the name that came up. The noun definition of plunge is to leap or dive, as into water. I didn’t know if I’d have an opportunity to do just that but I wanted to - at least in my mind.

Leading up to our mission trip, I kept imagining myself jumping off of a ledge into a body of water. To me, it would be another step in regaining my audaciousness and overcoming being afraid. I questioned destroying this fresh loc retwist I had just gotten days prior, particularly with this wedding I’d be a participant in a week from now.

When we got there, our brother showed us the location from where we could dive. In my mind I asked, is it worth it? One of my sisters said, live and do it. And so I ascended up the rocky wall until I inched my way as close as I could to the edge. I looked down at the water. It was near and far. I said if I thought about it too long I wouldn’t do it. And so I counted to three and just jumped. The fall felt a little long and then I splashed into the depths of the water. I opened my eyes to see small slivers of light piercing through, and I began to propel myself towards it.

I needed a moment to catch my breath but didn’t have anything to stand on. There was just water. So after flailing a little and others looking with concern as if they would need to save me, I realized I would just need to swim until I was grounded again. Stroke after stroke I waded my way closer to the shore. I had done it. I had leaped. And I’m glad I did. Another item checked off my internal bucket list of things to do. And another step to remembering who God has created me to be - courageous even in the face of fear.

Is there an area in your life where you feel you're being led to leap? If you're unsure or timid, what are some things you can do to start inching to the edge that you might get the courage to finally jump? Sometimes it may be finding examples of others around you who are doing daring things to incite you. Or it may be writing down your "why" to motivate you to move. For the rest of the things on my list, I need to do this too.

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