Unsecured Borders

“…that makes you look like an unsecured door with no locks.”

I recently had a physical picture of this happen to me. I was upstairs in my room for majority of the day writing and viewing podcasts and trainings, when I finally decided to head back downstairs to grab something to eat. When I reached the bottom step, out of the periphery of my eye, I see the jumbo yellow balloon from my son’s birthday party. It was in the living room that morning but had now made its way into the hallway between the living room and entryway. I was a bit startled wondering how it got there.

It typically feels about five degrees cooler downstairs, but it was even colder than usual. As I slowly made my way toward the balloon and further into the living room I saw that one of the double doors leading to my outside patio area was open. Earlier the wind had been blowing so heavily I could hear the windows rattling. I realized the strength of the wind must have forced the door open. Thankfully my patio area is slightly raised off the ground and screened in. Though someone could have made their way inside with a little effort, had those features not been in place one could have waltzed in undetected completely unhindered.

It was a depiction of how often I had allowed people to access my life, my heart, my mind, and my body with little screening and security measures. We put locks on things we believe are valuable. We have conditions that must be met before passage is given into prominent places. There are requirements one needs to meet to obtain certain information. Many of us feel this way about our phones. There is so much data and important entail in our phones that we reluctantly hand them over without watchful eyes. How is it that our phones have greater security measures than our lives and the most prized parts of ourselves?

We put locks on things we believe are valuable.

These thoughts came to me after watching a video that’s title had intrigued me when it popped up on my YouTube feed. Here’s a snippet of what the relationship coach stated: “He’ll imagine that if he got that close to you so quickly without earning his time with you then another man has done it the same. You giving yourself, your time, and your attention easily enough to him, he’ll assume that other guys have not had to pass through very many walls to get to you; and unfortunately that makes you look like an unsecured door with no locks” (Kev Hicks). Ouch. I think my whole bottom jaw fell as he finished that statement.

Many of us need to reestablish the guard posts of our castles. We have broken gates, loose bricks, faulty locks, and no men on duty. But I think there’s something even more important to put in place right alongside these defenses. And that is the way you see yourself. As I stated above, we only seek to protect things we believe are worth something. If something has little or no value, we’re more careless with it and offer it freely to anyone who becomes interested. In the world of affirmations and I am woman hear me roar, we’re conditioned to say we believe we’re valuable. But if we were to ask our hearts, our minds, and our intimate areas, what would they say? Take some time and personify them. What would they say? What would you prefer they say moving forward?

Next, ask yourself how you see you. Genuinely, ask yourself if you think you’re valuable. If you think you have something to offer.

This may be hard. It may be ugly. It may take some time. But I want to encourage you to explore the reality of the answers to these questions. I want you to sit with them and allow yourself to be uncovered. After all, that’s what we’re here to do.

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